Regrets. We all have them - some harder to deal with than others, but all something that we regret.
According to dictionary.com , the definition of "regret" is "to feel sorrow or remorse for ones actions" in the verb sense. In the noun sense, it is described as "a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.". No matter what it is classified as, "regret" basically means to feel remorse for something you've done.
The funny thing about regrets, though, is that we don't all have to have them. If we could seek out forgiveness - if we could act like the Christians we should be - and if we could be at peace with everyone, we wouldn't have regrets. But, that would have to be in a perfect world - which, I believe I have discussed "perfection". So taking in the fact that we are never going to be perfect (simply because we are human), we are forced to live with our regrets. It's just a simple fact of life...you eventually get used to it.
But there are times when you are trying to get to sleep and then you remember that one person in that one time in that one place that you hurt. Suddenly, you aren't so tired anymore.
There goes that sleep you were looking forward to.
This isn't a blog post about the cure for regret. There is no cure, honestly. You can get forgiveness for it and all, but you never actually forget. Sometimes it all just pops up in your head and than you begin the whole "What-If" road and - at that point - you're so far from ever being able to get anywhere close to cleaning your mind of thoughts.
But where does the regret come from? Obviously it starts with the fact that we do something while we are not in our best judgement. Okay...that's pretty self-explanatory. But why does it hang over us forever? Me speaking personally, I forget what I have for breakfast by the time lunch rolls around. So why do I remember hurting people that I love?
I believe they call it your "guilty conscious". Even the most cocky, self-assured, self-absorbed, and generally shallow of us have this "guilty conscious". It's what keeps us somewhat humbled. The actions that we do to cause this guiltiness is merely what keeps us human. It's all part of the process, you see.
Regrets.
Will people ever understand them? Probably not. Was it worth the attempt to reflect upon them? I think so. Do I make sense? No. Will I ever? Maybe after a few writing courses.
But until then...enjoy my confusing nature.
Regards,
-R.A.B
P.S. - I realize that some of you may be thinking that I contradicted myself in saying that we can't ask for forgiveness and then commenting that "even after asking forgiveness, we never forget". I'm not making a fool out of myself, I might just be making a point.
Thinking yet?
